Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Destined to Fail?
OK. I need somebody to talk me down from the ledge. I am fit to be tied. As some of you know, I just started WW, and was feeling so happy because everything was going so great. I was a perfect little girl all week, stayed within my limits, did double exercise, and had no cravings, no slips. I’ve been feeling really great, my clothes feel a little looser, and I’ve just generally been feeling good. Last time on the scale I went down 2 lbs and I was thrilled. I was hoping for (and was pretty certain I would get) the same this week. Imagine my horror when I stepped on the scale to see I had GAINED a pound! How did this happen? Are the Gods against me? Am I just born to fail? What went wrong here?
As you might imagine, I was very upset. I wanted to cry. I wanted to pound my fists. I know that there are biochemical processes in regard to weight loss that are very complex, and far above my power of comprehending; I realize that there are things that I simply do not understand, and that, probably one could conceivably do it all right, and still backslide, all the same, pardon my French, but WTF?????
This is just too unfair. Everyone out there knows how hard it is to be good. I know you do; I read it in your blogs, and comments everyday. So when we have a stellar week, only to get this kind of a slap in the face, it really, really hurts.
However, I know I must hold on to my sanity, and not completely give myself over to indulging in self –pity, because, that’s a dark road, and I don’t want to go there. As a matter of fact, I have already indulged in rebellion eating today, pretty mild, for the most part, but I was already up to within two points of my daily limit at 2:00 in the afternoon! As I write this, I still have 7 hours left to go until the end of the day, and only 2 legal points left to “spend”. Good luck with that, Jackie!
This is dangerous, all-too-familiar territory: I work hard, fail, get angry, and then have a temper tantrum with food. Come on now, there must be a better way!!!!!
All right, so far, the day is salvageable, I still have time to get out there and have another good, vigorous walk; and I have to keep things in perspective: I was feeling great, it feels wonderful to not eat compulsively; I definitely lost fat, or bloat, or something, because unless I am stark-raving mad, my clothes are fitting better; I was feeling great, so I cannot let this get me down. There must be a reasonable explanation, and it’s not because I am destined to fail, or I’m a hopeless case, or whatever other insult I can hurl at myself.
I know the theory about muscle weighing more than fat, and I did double the amount of exercise I was getting. But Jillian on Biggest Loser said that was a crock (I had always heard that was true, but now I’m just so confused, I don’t know what to think!)
Words of encouragement please!!!